Thursday, March 20, 2008
Mary J. Blige had an epiphany in "Enough Crying"...
"The sex was good ya had my mind. And I let ya come back everytime, you would violate and cross the line, and you knew that I would be the type to always wait so patiently , thinkin you was comin home to me, well, damn I never heard the key or felt your tap saying 'are you sleep?'. I've done enough cryin', cryin' cryin'. It's time to say BYE-BYE-BYE!"
Jennifer Lopez also had an epiphany in "Enough" the movie, and between running from city to city, desperately strategizing and taking self-defense lessons, she managed to "put down" the man who bruised her face and her heart repeatedly.
So what does it take before we say enough? Enough of the heartache, disrespect, unfulfilled needs/wants, when is enough, enough?
For me, like many women, (Dana McGreavy/Silda Spitzer??) it was with public humiliation and scandel.
I personally have decided that, THAT is TOO damn much!
I watched as Silda (and Dana) stood by her "man" with a sort of surreal, catatonic look on her face and thought "Why the hell do we go soooo long and put up with soooo much?!"
I think there are many answers to that question. I certainly am NOT the expert considering I needed a train to hit me before I said "enough!" However, I think we must closely examine and question what we are teaching our daughters through example, the media, innuendo that might cause them to feel that a man behaving badly is a good man for them.
Someone said to me, after learning that my now ex-mate probably needs to "live in Utah" given his "commitment" choices that women are wired differently from men. True. But does being wired differently mean that our standards for respect, love and treatment from others are lower? I think not.
I know that women are biologically made to endure intense pain for hours (otherwise mankind would be extinct) but does that mean we must endure endless emotional pain as well? (Physical abuse is a no brainer for most of us....but why is the line between physical and emotional abuse so nebulous?)
We tolerate the public humiliation, misogyny and exploitation of women in pornography, music videos and rap lyrics, Hollywood's glorification of Polygamy in "The Bachelor, Flavor of Love and Big Love" and the endless images/ideas that teach us that we get and keep men through our looks, game playing and how much we can do for them." AND to let that asinine Dr. Laura tell it, "it's OUR fault if our men do "whatever the hell they want"?! This is EXACTLY the message that I DON"T want my daughters to learn.
Hopefully the ENOUGH comes when women realize that no matter how many times a gourmet dinner is on the table when he walks in the door, or how many times he is met by his mate wearing only stilettos and a sequined thong, it doesn't matter if he/she is a cheater, liar or perpetual adolescent. He is STILL going to do what the hell he wants to do.
What we learn in the end is that all of it is a big "non-reality" show. If our daughters are learning to shove aside their true thoughts, feelings, ambitions and desires so they can be with a man, she is living a "non-reality". This is the behavior that enables a man to ignore/abuse her, go on prostitute sprees, have a secret gay life or multiple families. "Thanks honey for being soooo understanding while I do what I want when I want without regard for your feelings. I love you." Yeah right!
Dr. Laura is right I guess. It IS our fault when our men behave badly. The FIRST time we feel disrespected, hurt, ignored or mistreated we should say "ENOUGH", "Strike One", "Have you lost your DAMN mind?!" , or something that will get his attention and let him know that certain behavior will NOT be tolerated.
I was able to do a Mary J. "Enough". Get your stuff, get out, I am taking my life and self-respect back fool!. But trust, I know that many women have been pushed to a J-Lo kind of "Enough". I don't condone it, but I understand!
Know when enough is enough.