Thursday, January 24, 2008

Double X Apparently Means Double Standard

I know this is not a new thought, idea, conjecture, but what the hell is up with the double standard in, what is this, 2008?

Women have been working full time forever! I am talking about ALL the working we do. Not just out of the home for someone else, but in the home as well, and I KNOW first hand that stay at home mom's work harder than ANYBODY that gets to leave the house from 9-5.

So why is it, that those human beings with an X and a Y chromosome must constantly remind us that they "have been at work all day". They need to WIND down. "I just need to have some peace and quiet for ONE hour."

"EXCUSE me?!" I worked all day TOO! Maybe I got up at 5 a.m., fixed breakfast (while you slept), made lunches (while you took a shower), woke up all the kids( while you watched the news) and then took a 3 minute shower, put on wrinkled pants and got out the door with NO time to spare, dropping kids off here, there and everywhere while you are looking and smelling like a rose and rolling up to the office leisurely. But somehow, you are working harder than me!

Maybe I got to go to work with grown-ups and meet other peoples deadlines, time-crunches and demands, or maybe I did the same thing, just at home with babies, toddlers and other short people.

And at 5 o'clock p.m. I am having Deja Vu. This time however, I am cooking dinner (while you watch the news) helping kids with homework (while you watch the game) and giving babies baths (while you snore in the chair).

Now, being that we are intelligent, compassionate beings, we say things like, "Honey, do you think you could run the bath water for the kids, while I finish up the dishes?" Ha-Ha!

"I just want to finish watching the last quarter of the game! You know I've been working all day!"

I am not begrudging him the game, I just DON'T want him to begrudge me my long luxurious bath at the end of the day. Why is his game non-negotiable, but my bath is?

Why do they insist that what we do all day, is less tiring, less stressful than what they do? And this entitles them to more play time?

Or what about the Daddy Baby-Sitter? The daddy babysitter is the guy that you have to "ASK" ahead of time if he is available to watch HIS OWN kids while you...DO ANYTHING!

"I have to go to the grocery store..."

"Yeah, okay. How long will you be?"

How LONG will I be? What is that? It's not like I said I was going to the club with my girlfriends! I said I was going to the very exciting GROCERY STORE.

"Oh, I don't know? I get a little carried away, thumping the Honeydew melons sometimes!" PUH-LEEZE!

But when we DO try to go to a movie, out to lunch, or participate in any other entertaining activity, we get,

"Uh, sorry, I'm going to a Laker Game!"

Huh? ! Why is it that if I am doing something outside of the house, I have to ASK ahead of time, like a teenager. However, HE just goes. Knowing that the mother, woman, primary care-giver, will be home ( or arrange for an acceptable caregiver to be there?)

I get it, but I just don't GET IT. Reasonably intelligent men, become complete (insert your best word here) when it comes to what they believe their home, parental and relationship responsibilities are. They have a freedom, a laissez faire that I don't understand. You know things like going out to a meeting and three hours later they call and say "oh, i got into a pick-up game at the park." How the hell did you get from a business meeting to the park?! All while I was home doing laundry, chasing a 4 year old and sweeping the floor.

Of course there is the one where you're trying to reach them via electronic device and you may or may not get an answer. But if YOU don't pick up on the second ring or text back instantaneously, they send out the National Guard. We are supposed to be readily available, at all times. They will "get back to you when they can"

This just touches the surface of the double-standards that seem to be socially acceptable or just "accepted". I am not begrudging men their freedom and right to rest and relax, just please don't begrudge me the same!


Lisa said...

I could actually FEEL my blood-pressure rise while reading your post. It is SO TRUE. I have complained about this very same issue over the years. I just can't imagine leaving the house without even saying when I will be back. That would be the equivalent of "running away".

Maybe we moms should start referring to our time with the kids as "babysitting" and see if THEY get it.

Mes Deux Cents said...


WOW! Have you invited your hubby to read this? If not maybe you should.

Maybe he just doesn't get it?

Liz said...

Oh I feel you! There have been times when I have put up signs around the house that say, "I am not the maid!" And explaining that it's not babysitting when they're your kids...been there too. And this was all when I had my crazy schedule and made more money than my husband. It quickly dawned on me that he believed that as long as he didn't cheat, beat me or come home drunk then it was all good. I was like, what a low standard, get your ass in the kitchen and wash the dishes you left in the sink! UGH! I could go on for days about this but thankfully, he's gotten better.

♥LaBelleVie♥ said...

Im not a mother nor am I married yet but this was interesting to read.

Janie said...

I think if we moms start putting our foot down about many things they will have no choice but to "get it". We are such nurturers and are just used to taking care of everything, making life wonderful for everyone.

If we can get our hearts to agree with our minds, then we will just say no.

Fortunately this is not ALL my "other" but a combination of many comments from friends and colleagues that I have heard over time.

Still, mine thinks he has the market on "being tired", so maybe he needs to read or hear it really loudly.

I am so glad that your's has gotten better. I have to do better about just saying NO. I wonder what would happen if I just got up on Saturday morning and said, "I'll be back." ? I think I will try it a couple of times to see.

Hopefully, if and when you choose to become a wife and mother, you will have benefited from all of this Sage advice. smile.

Thanks for stopping by.

Los Angelista said...

Just checking on you to see how your week is going. Hope all is well.

Los Angelista said...

Happy Valentine's Day to you!

Mes Deux Cents said...

Hi Janie,

I just stopped by to say hello.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

Mendel would be proud of u, as well as the pea pod

rebecca said...

Where Go The Boats?


Dark brown is the river,

Golden is the sand.

It floats along forever,

With trees on either hand.

Green leaves a-floating,

Castles of the foam,

Boats of mine a-floating

Where will all come home?

On goes the river

And out past the mill,

Away down the valley,

Away down the hill.

Away down the river,

A hundred miles or more,

Other little children

Shall bring my boats ashore.

-----by aoc powerlevewling